No Sleep Blog #1

I had not visited this blog in quite some time, and before I could even be tempted to go through and read all those old posts that I'm sure attempted some kind of pathetic philosophy from a Little Rock, AR college student in his early twenties that had such strong convictions about life that he just had to share them with the World Wide Web, (at this point, I find myself wondering why noone has ever thought to create a sarcasm font. That could really save the world from a lot of trouble. But I digress...) I quickly hit the delete button.

I'm not entirely confident that my grammar and phrasing was completely correct in the previous paragraph, but I'll let those English Majors out there decide. ;)

So now, to those interested, you get to read the same crap all over again, except this time I'm two years older and two years dumber. You may be thinkng, "Well, two years doesn't seem like that long. What could possibly change in that short of a time?" For lack of coming up with a better quippy comeback to your supposed inner-monologue pessimism, you're right.

I'm still sitting in the same exact chair and looking at the same ugly brown walls (I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to paint my bedroom "Mushroom". Gaah, 16 year old self!), but two years later everything seems to be much more comfortable. Perhaps I've finally broken in the leather on this office chair with all my gained weight.

Ya know, sometimes ya gotta lose a lot of stuff before ya realize that losing stuff ain't all that bad. Sometimes you find things you never knew you were looking for, and if it was really important it just means you get to buy a new, shiny, better product to replace it. I've lost a lot of stuff in the past couple of years, but in hindsight it was probably about time I lost them anyway. I can be happy that I continue to wake up and breathe and go about my day. I've found that I can be comfortable in my own skin and I'm thankful that I have a better understanding of what's happening on the inside. I'm happy that, even though I still may be wrong at times about what I want in life, I now have the strength to pursue it on my own and stand on my own behalf, and to the nay-sayers I have the courage to give them the proverbial "Fuck-off." I'm excited that I've made the choice to enjoy my bachelorhood, and I'm confident that I know all the qualities that I would want in a future wife (or "the old ball-&-chain") and I'll be happy to settle for nothing less. And on that front, it's just gonna have to be a "It'll happen when it happens" strategy. And I'm glad that I don't feel like I have to lie to impress people anymore, cause all those lies were starting to get difficult to manage between everyone. Mom was right when she said the truth is always easier. And I'm thankful that every time my back feels like it's against the wall, the big guy upstairs always sees fit to throw me a rope. And in the times he doesn't, I'm glad that I can keep my composure. (Geez, it's not the end of the world, that's coming later!) I think I've finally fit into this perfect space that I call my body.

I guess the biggest thing I've learned up until now is:

Despite what I thought, success in life depends alot less on the things you learn along the way, and lot more on what you have inside of you right from the start.

Peace and Happy New Year!